I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
