And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
