I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
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