I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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