Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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