if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
