I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
