Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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