Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
the raccoons are back...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
