We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Couch. On fire.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
