He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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