her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
