All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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