I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
