I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
