the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
