and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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