I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
