We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
