Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You dont lie about slip and slides
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
