I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
