"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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