just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
