his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
