I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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