I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize