If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize