Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
