I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
