there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
