Christians are straight up FREAKS
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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