There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If I die, sorry about rent.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
