just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
