On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
