At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
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