Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
