I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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