How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
