It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize