Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
