My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
