What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
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