Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
