dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
