wrigley field is MILF paradise
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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