I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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