once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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