Got a toothbrush?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
