i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
