Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
