For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
