Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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