So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
