Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
