I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
