im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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