Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
