There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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