Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
