i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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