you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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