The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
organizing the empties. That sober.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize